Why My Cats Could Be Characters in a Tolstoy Novel

A few years ago, one of my students decided that for the new year, she was going to read one chapter of Tolstoy's War and Peace every day. "There are 365 chapters of War and Peace and there are 365 days in a year," she told me. This sounded manageable, so I immediately decided that this would be my New Years' Resolution, too.

Like all of my resolutions, this was short-lived. I think I got maybe a quarter of the way into the book before I gave up, not because I didn't like it, but just because I got ennui. Anyway, while I was reading War and Peace, I thought to myself that my cats could be characters in the novel because, like Tolstoy's characters, each of my cats has many names.

Lucy Belle

Our cat, Lucy, has had many names in the four years she's lived with us. When she was dropped off to our house, she was Lucy Belle. She then became "Lucy Belle Bongo" for a short time, "Lucy Smells", when she did something bad in her litter box and "Lucifer" when she was naughty. Somehow, her name has morphed to be "Lulu Jones,"* which sounds like a character from a 70s action flick. 

On occasion, I call this particular cat "Cheese Girl" because she has a meow that sounds like the squeak from a fresh cheese.

An old picture of Truman Capote. She looks so resigned.

Truman Capote, our other cat, usually goes by "Trumie" because it takes a lot of effort to call "Truman Capote" when you need to see the cat. 

When I was reading War and Peace, I made up a story about how the cat was actually a countess during the Bolshevik Revolution and had to flee Russia with her diamonds sewn in the the hem of her dress to start a new life in another country. ** So, I decided her name would be "Madame Trumaniski". This became "Comrade Trumaniski" for some reason; then "Minski" because...well, just because. "Minski" became "Minced Meat" because they sound similar and then "Minced Meat" became "Meat" because it is shorter. 

So, I call this particular animal "Meat Girl" and tell her that she "is made of meat."

The sad fact about the Meat Girl is that she is sixteen, going on seventeen years old.*** My husband and I think that she might have feline dementia because she walked into the bathroom one day and meowed angrily at the toilet for a few minutes. Mark researched feline dementia online. One of the symptoms of feline dementia is the cat will sleep a lot. We can't tell if she really is demented because she always has slept, like, 20 hours a day. She could just be old and tired. Anyway, she comes when I call out either "Meat Girl" or "Truman", so she has some awareness.

I still have a good five days left of Christmas break. I think I may start to rewrite War and Peace and feature my cats as the main characters.

*My son and I sing "Lulu Jones" to the Counting Crows "Mr. Jones".

** Yes, I know War and Peace takes place during the Napoleonic Wars. It's just a story I made up for no particular reason, okay?

*** My kid read this post and said that I needed to make sure my readers knew this was a reference to The Sound of Music.