Cats, Part the First

Our cat, Lucy, whom I also call Lulu Jones. Photo by my son.

I knew eventually it would come to this: I would blog about cats. I apologize to you, dear reader. You see, before I married, I was pretty sure I was going to end up alone in my big ol' house with a hundred cats and tons of old books. Since I married, we moved to a smaller house. I don't hoard books so much anymore. However, I still have cats--three of them, instead of the hundred that I figured I would amass by now.

Anyhow, my inspiration for this post is that I just came home from work, went upstairs to change into pajama pants and, lo and behold, on my bed, someone blew lunch.*

As I was changing the sheets, I thought about how cats are really gross little creatures. I know that many of you may be under the impression that cats are clean animals. That's what the cats WANT you to believe.

You know those little old women who leave their life fortunes to their cats?

I'm pretty convinced that the cats take the money and hire some really good PR firm. The PR firm has sold the American media on the idea that cats are clean, smart, independent animals that are easy to care for. 

LIES! Blatant lies! I have witnessed said cats run into the bathroom when I open the door to drink out of the toilet. I have witnessed said cats eat stuff off the floor. I have witnessed said cats get their heads caught in empty cans and run away with said can on head. **

I'm pretty sure the Tabby Cat Lobby will somehow censor this post. You don't know what the Tabby Cat Lobby is? Stick around, dear reader. I will expose them tomorrow on my blog.

*"blew lunch" is a term coined by my dad to indicate throwing up. Hence, the term "lunchblower" is any ride at an amusement park that would make the rider sick to his/her stomach.

**This happened when I lived in Olean. Some feral Olean cat was in our trash. When I opened the front door to see what the commotion was, this cat ran away with its head stuck in a tin can. I assume it got the can off its head. Cats are so freaking brilliant.